If anyone were to tell me that my God wasn't amazing, I wouldn't give it a second thought. My God is a prayer answerer. My God is graceful. My God is kind. Last night I had a break down. Before I read my daily devotions, I prayed. I prayed that God would answer me because I had been praying about the same thing for the last week. I had been fervently praying for relief from my problem. Last night, I pretty much just threw my hands up and figured God was upset with me. I had done something horribly wrong and He wanted to ignore my pleas. Well, last night I read my devotions and still, no words of wisdom hit me like they normally do. I decided to keep reading into Psalm 22. The scripture you see to your right (Psalm 22:1,2) is what I read and immediately I knew that He knew what I was feeling. I prayed again, I told God that I would keep praying, I would not give up. I would keep praying until I aggravated him enough to answer me! (I had read about this in a previous devotion Luke 18:18) :-) This morning, from pretty much the moment I got up, my problem had been solved. I came downstairs and my prayer had been answered.
I have also been praying about Taylor sleeping through the night. So far, for the past two nights I have prayed that Taylor would sleep at least until 6am and both times, he has slept until 6 am, I've given him a bottle and he sleeps again until about 8 or 830am. Oh! And on that note, I didn't even have to put him to sleep last night. I laid him in his crib and he figured it out (without crying!!!!!). Amazing. Amazing!
I need a recommendation for a good book. I've finished the book I was reading, Not My Daughter, and now I'm done! It was kind of slow, but still a good read. Until I find a good book I'll just be reading through my old books.
Taylor has been soooo fussy these past few days. Well happy 11 months to you, son! We're not even in the terrible twos yet and he's already having temper tantrums and slapping mommy in the face. I am planning his first birthday. We aren't doing anything huge. We'll just have some family over for some cake. I am looking into the Yo Gabba Gabba decorations, though. I also found some really good healthy cake recipe for his first cake. The rest of us will get the fattening stuff! I've decided on what I'll get him for his birthday. I'm getting him an automatic bubble blowing machine and the Bounce & Spin Pony.
I took a video of Taylor walking around the house with Grandma.
And I also caught some pictures that I will leave as I bid you adieu!
So I had my 2nd prenatal appointment yesterday. I made the mistake of thinking that next weeks appointment in the ultrasound department was actually for an ultrasound. It is quite the contrary. I am actually getting a second trimester sequential screening blood draw. So, instead of seeing my beautiful baby I get to see the other side of a disgustingly sharp needle. Oh, please don't get me wrong, I love being patient but it sucks that I was looking forward to it. So now, we find out baby's sex on February 11th.. And that's assuming that baby is not crossing his/her legs or giving us continuous butt shots. This will be the only time I shall ever say this to my child, "Spread those legs. Spread em wide. Let the world know!" And I realize how inappropriate that may sound, but it's what we all think when we go in for our "Big Ultrasound" and you know it!! ;)
Taylor is walking soooo much now. He's rarely crawling now and if he is, it's to a place where he can stand himself off and then Blast Off! This boy is ready to run. More ready than I'll ever be, that's for sure!
I realized something today. I realized that I admire my son. Yes, I admire a toddler. Not only because of his innocence. Not only because of his naivety. And not only because he has so many people that love him. I admire him because of his persistence. If there is something that he can't quite get a grasp on, he'll do whatever it takes to figure it out.
When he's trying to climb on the coffee table and he has all four adults yelling at him to get off, he smiles and continues to climb. We can take him off that table a thousand times, but that just means he'll climb up a thousand and one times. I truly believe he knows something about life that I may have forgotten along the way. If something is not going the way we want it to, or if there is something in the close distance that we want, we need to keep trying. I'll just close this topic at that. I have so much more I could write about on this subject, but I fear it will turn into a short novel and I'm sure no one is interested in being bored to death today.
On another note, Taylor is walking. I mean, he's really walking. He is not even interested in crawling anymore. He reaches for my hand now so that we can walk around the house together. It is the most amazing thing to me, all these changes that happen on his time. It makes me believe that no one can tell you when all of these amazing milestones are supposed to happen. Everyone does things at a different pace. It just amazes me that one day he has no clue as to what we are trying to teach him and the next day he does it on his own. Now all we have to work on is getting him to sleep through the night!
Hey all. I really have nothing to say tonight. Surprising, no? I just have a bunch of pictures from today. Hubby and I took Taylor to the beach. He really didn't like the big waves, so I think next time we'll have to take him to the Ko'olina lagoons where it's a little more toddler-friendly. Anyway, here are the pictures. Hope you enjoy!
I woke up with a migraine this morning. It has been happening a lot lately. I can only imagine it has something to do with the pregnancy, much like the zits that sneak up on me lately. I was told that Taylor had a nightmare last night, and it has me thinking that real life can be scarier than your worse nightmare sometimes.
Someone I care about, that I've cared about for a very long time, has once again fallen into the clutches of drugs. I was told that his drug of choice this time, rather than crystal meth, is cocaine. I want someone to blame. I want to blame his father. His father is a speaker against drug use, very high up in the police department, so he knows how this all works. He cannot use the naive approach as far as I am concerned. So, why did he take his son out to a bar on his 21st birthday when he very well knew his son was a recovering alcoholic/drug addict? Doesn't he know that his son can't even have just a little bit?
I want to blame his best friend. Every time his best friend is around the addict seems to be brought back to life. This person I care for had everything going in the right direction. He had a wonderful girlfriend, an awesome full-time job, a great demeanor, a car, money in his savings, and he was living on his own. Then all of a sudden he has a "friend" moving into his house and he starts exhibiting his old behaviors again. Come to find out this "friend", whose identity he did not want to disclose to us because he knows we know they are trouble together, is his best friend and they are doing drugs together again.
I know I need to blame him. I need to blame him for choosing to live near his old stomping grounds. He was never 100% ready to give up the old demons otherwise he would've run as far as he could've from his past instead of setting up house right in front of it. His sobriety is like a roller coaster. You never know where he's at. Even when he's better all you can think is, "I wonder if it'll stick this time." And it is horrible because there is nothing you can do, as a speculator, to keep it from coming. All you can do is watch in horror as the beautiful soul crumbles under the power of drugs and alcohol.
Sometimes it feels easier to just say good-bye right now. That way when you get the phone call at 3 a.m it might not hurt as much. Then again, maybe it will hurt even more because you know you haven't tried as hard as you could to stop it.
On a slightly lighter note, I thought I'd leave off with a small survey I stole from Angie.
Symptoms: Headaches and some pulling & stretching in my abdomen.
Total weight gain: I'm still down about 5 pounds.
Maternity clothes: I use maternity shirts but my jeans are stretchy so they still fit pretty well. :)
Stretch marks: Only from my last pregnancy so far.. but I know how well that goes around the last 3 months.
Sleep: I sleep very well on the weekends when Papa takes Taylor. I am waking up at least once a night to pee.
Best moment last week: Probably something I'd been craving and finally got to scarf down.
Movement: I think I have been feeling flutters here & there.. but that could just be gas. Who even knows?
Food cravings: I dunno. It changes all the time.
Belly Button in or out: Still in but not for long. With my son it popped out around 16 weeks.
What I miss: Over easy eggs!
What I am looking forward to: January 28th when we find out if Baby G is a gal or a guy!
How is daddy? Daddy is starting to feel better about the whole thing. He was worried about finances but I think he's starting to understand that God will provide.
As I watch my son bravely climbing down the stairs, while holding on to Mommy's hand, I realize the changes I need to make in my own life. What can I possibly learn from watching an almost-toddler, you ask. Well, I've learned that I need to live life bravely and I don't have to do it alone. God is there, holding my hand. As long as I know that He is there, making sure I don't fall (I might trip once in a while, but if I trust Him to catch me, I won't fall), I know I can do anything that has been put on my heart.
Today's church service reflected much of my newfound realizations. Fear keeps us from doing things that we may want to do. I can't tell you how many friendships I must've missed out on because I am too afraid to bravely introduce myself and let them know the real me. I've always been fearful that people don't care who I am or what I have to say. I can't tell you how much harder I've made my life at times because I was afraid to ask for advice or help because I was fearful that people would think that I was stupid and incompetent. I dropped out of college because I was afraid to fail. I didn't think I had what it takes to pass my classes. Oh, to live life in such fear puts such a cramp on all the things you could do with it.
And now I'm almost left with a sense of thinking What if , which is not the way I like to live my life. All I can do is move on from here. I have my God, whom I can pray to at times I feel weak and vulnerable. I have my God, whom I can lean on at times I feel I may be falling. I am a lucky girl to be given so many second chances in one lifetime. I am a lucky girl.
And now, drum roll please, here are some adorable pictures of Taylor. Hehehe. I knew you couldn't bring yourself to read through this entry without some hope of visual reward. :)
As I bite into my dill pickle, turkey sandwich (made with pepperjack cheese, lettuce, mayo, salt & pepper) on whole grain bread, and Baked Crunch Cheese Cheetos I realize how much extra time I have in this, the beginning of my second trimester. Now that I'm no longer utterly exhausted, I am not waking up at 10 am on weekends (Papa takes him on weekend nights) and laying back down for a nap with Taylor at 12 noon. Of course I'd rather not use this precious time to squander on much needed laundry-doing or bathroom cleaning (that can wait til Tuesday when Daddy is off work, he can watch Taylor for me). No, instead I choose to be the addict that I am and use it to completely change this blog around and make a post.
And you know that if I make a post, I must also throw in some much needed pictures of my dear boy.
The first photographic opportunity was posed when I caught young Taylor trying to make his escape from our den. I caught another picture, which turned out blurry so I won't post it, of him turning and smiling at me because he knew he was being too darn cute.
Our next picture is of both Taylor and I smiling for the camera. He is such a camera hog. I wonder who on earth he could've gotten THAT trait from??
And finally, I have a picture of Taylor showing off a character trait obviously derived from Daddy. I honestly couldn't stop laughing. I barely got the picture. Enjoy!
Sadly enough I couldn't figure out how to upload the .wav file of my baby's heartbeat. I received my fetal doppler in the mail today and after an hour of searching, I found her! I found it easier to create a little video and upload that, than to keep trying to find somewhere to upload the .wav file. So here it is. Yes, it seems kind of cheesy, but it's the best I could do.
So, as you've noticed the title of this blog is "Hurricane Taylor." This is with absolute good reason. He makes a mess wherever he goes. If you put something up where he shouldn't.. emphasis on shouldn't.. be able to get it, he'll find a way to get there and then go the extra step of breaking or shredding or destroying whatever it was.
His new favorite venture is the trash can in our den. Paper, plastic, cardboard. He'll take whatever he can get his adorable but stanky mitts on. It's quite possible that if you were standing outside our house, all you would hear is, "Taylor, no." or "No, Taylor. That's not yours." And then you'd hear a baby scream because we have pulled him away from whatever he was trying to get to. This includes all the time we spend playing with him, too, so don't get the wrong idea. We'll be playing blocks or piano or xylophone or whatever we can think of to keep his attention. It doesn't work for long. 2 minutes later he's off trying to find what he's not SUPPOSED to be playing with. Oh, I love this boy, but he sure does give me a headache sometimes!
In closing to my blog, so it doesn't sound completely negative, my husband took me to spend some money he was given. He says that I never buy anything for myself. While we were out he said getting me to buy something for myself was like pulling teeth.. He also mentioned that if he had a heart, he would've felt guilty for forcing me to buy something. haha. Well, I ended up getting a book I read about in the latest People magazine called Not My Daughter. He got upset with me because I still had a few dollars to spend and I couldn't figure out how to do it. I assured him that if I had more money there would be tons of things I would buy for myself, but since we don't I have to be picky with whatever I do decide because I want to be happy with it. I am grateful to my husband for trying to take care of me. It was a very sweet thing to do. :-)
Oh and here are a couple pictures of him reading his book.
Taylor has taken a new liking to taking his diaper off. Not only does he enjoy it but he thinks it's funny. I caught this picture of him right after I changed his diaper. I figured it would be less offensive & weird if I bleeped out the area. But, as you can see, his diaper has clearly left the area. The only way to stop this from happening is to make sure we put some form of bottoms over the diaper.
We had a tough night last night. As you may remember from yesterday's post, he fell asleep fairly early at the dinner table. Unfortunately, it did not stick through the night and we were up every few hours. Unfortunately, the fatigue only hit me, as he was up at 6 am (normally he sleeps at least until 8 am). Jake and I were up late last night catching up on American Idol and Fringe so the 4 am, 5 am, and 6 am wake up calls did not sit well with me. Luckily, my husband is amazing. Although he had to work this afternoon, and he could've slept in, he got up early and took the tyke from me so I could get a couple hours of much needed sleep.
As if you haven't gotten enough of him (muahaha!), I am providing some pictures I took yesterday. You'll have to forgive me, I couldn't find my camera for longest time (which MIL found under our couch) , and I'm making up for lost film. :-)
I had to share this adorable video of Taylor's dancing skills. Sometimes he'll do it when music comes on, other times all you have to do is sing, "Go Taylor" or "Shake a booty!" and he'll shake it and smile because he knows that he just so darn cute.
He also did the cutest thing at the dinner table today. Jake, MIL (aka Mother in Law), and I were talking and I was feeding him little bits of bread. MIL was talking to us and I turned to see what Taylor was doing.. His eyes were at less than half mass and I just yelled, "Oh my gosh!" I felt so horrible that he had been so exhausted that he fell asleep sitting up.
Poor bebe. Bad Mommy!
These two pictures were taken today.. I caught him behind the entertainment center and he saw me bringing the camera to take a picture and he started smiling. And in the second picture, you'll notice he's running after the camera. I think he was trying to get rid of the evidence!! He thought being caught and using the surprised face was the cutest thing in the world.. Well, okay, so did I! :-)
He started off doing something that most babies of his age do. I glanced over at him and he had the headband, that Daddy uses to put his hair up behind his ears, in his mouth. Drool was escaping the sides of his mouth and he looked up and smiled at me. Adorable, of course, but nothing out of the ordinary. I turned away to type something up and two seconds later I snuck another peek at my dear boy expecting only the usual chewfest. Instead I catch him smiling at me with the headband on his head, just like Daddy wears it! He knew it was the most adorable thing and he just couldn't stop beaming. I laughed and he clapped because he knew he had done something adorable. These days far make up for the days of biting, hair pulling, and face slapping.
There are six things the Lord hates, yes, seven are an abonimation to him; Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood; A heart that plots wicked schemes, feet that run swiftly to evil, The false witness who utters lies, and he who sows discord among brothers. -- Proverbs 6:16-19